unfriendlybambi:

f-emasculata:

REALLY just wanna take this chance to remind the people who follow me to not kill/trap opossums if they’re in your yard, and do not call animal control! Seriously.

  1. Opossums are literally 100% BIOLOGICALLY INCAPABLE of carrying rabies. Their body temperature is too cool to incubate it properly.
  2. Opossums are actually quite gentle and NOCTURNAL, so if they’re roaming, they’ve probably gotten lost, been injured, and are looking for a place to hide.
  3. Young opossums tend to try to climb into garbage cans when they’re starving. This is because THEY ARE LITERALLY STARVING. Don’t fucking shoot them or hit them with things because you wanna be some fucking macho top-of-the-food-chain cocksucker.
  4. Mama possums are amazing mothers and if you encounter an “aggressive” opossum, it’s probably because she’s got babies hanging off her nipple and she’s freaking out. They’re clumsy. Sometimes they don’t hear you coming and  you catch each other off guard.
  5. Wanna lure an opossum off of your property? You can set up a box with some greens and cat kibble in it, hide it well, and lure them out that way. They’re actually quite harmless and keep other predators away. they eat lotsa gross stuff.
  6. Opossum mamas who get hit by cars often still have their helpless babies attached to them. Possums get a bad rep and people say they are “the dumbest animal”, but they are incredible creatures who have been around since the days of fucking dinosaurs so treat them well, okay?

Aww!!!

(Source: micromys, via thecrypticgrave)

kuzco2000:

"elite 4 ___ used a full restore"

image

(via grassinc)

Tags: actually me

mister-smalls:

nylooms:

tupacabra:

image

it’s a metaphor

The best part is that the crab is the symbol for the zodiac sign Cancer, so in a way even the crab itself is a metaphor

The Fault in our (Lob)Stars

(via parenyzia)

railroadsoftware:

bro you look so cute right now dude. dude you are so fucking adorable 

(via adownupadownup)

Tags: sunshine tag

zelda-melodies:

Outset Island - Wind Waker HD Sound Selection

(via theglassisfullyempty)

a-study-in-yellowcar:

A couple makeup sponges, lots of green eyeshadow, and an Emilie Autumn album later…

(via ollivander)

yo-its-eren:

kanaya-in-the-tardis:

deranged-baby:

OMFG THE BROWN ONE HAS ANGRY EYEBROWS

"Yes this is my deer friend. Deer friend is pretty like snow. You hurt deer friend I will hurt you."

is that eren jaeger

(Source: zay4ik, via 2pcanadas)

butthenilold:

Snapchat convos between romanados and I

(via romanados)

lyssalovescookies:

flailmorpho:

wastelandbabe:

lowbutt:

MY SCIENCE TEACHER CAUGHT THE TABLE ON FIRE AND HES JUST STARING AT IT

I LOVE SCIENCE TEACHERS

I’M SORRY BUT HOW BADLY DID HE FUCK UP READING HIS CALIPER?


#my environmental science teacher was demonstrating how pumice can float#so she just went around the room dropping them into people’s water bottles#but one of them didn’t float#so then she lit a match and dropped it into the bottle#and it blew up#that’s how we found out that the kid was drinking alcohol at school x
fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

(via chrolloneon)

nirvanic-s:

IT’S BACK

I ALMOST CRASHED ON THE FREEWAY BECAUSE I REMEMBERED THIS AND WAS LAUGHING SO HARD

(Source: videohall, via chrolloneon)

scrape-your-knee:

The ink is running toward the page, it’s chasing off the days.

Look back at both feet and that winding knee.

I missed your skin when you were east;

you clicked your heels and wished for me 

(via chrolloneon)

vixx: that one time by the water filter (trans cr)

(Source: kentv, via yuzuruhanyuofficial)

princeowl:

the worst thing you can say to someone is ‘you’re too sensitive’ because that’s basically saying ‘you feel things more deeply and fully than i do and this inconveniences me because now i have to be more mindful of my own actions’ 

you’re not too sensitive, the world is just callous and stubborn. sensitivity doesn’t make you weak and callousness doesn’t make you strong. 

(via ollivander)

wannabebandkid:

oh-wikipedia:

championisjustatitle:

ozwinozwald:

inkerdoodle:

When you’re writing aND YOU CAN’T FIND THE RIGHT WORD

image

http://chir.ag/projects/tip-of-my-tongue/

you’re welcome

image

*reblogs for later reference*

I’M IN THE MIDST OF WRITING A BOOK WHERE HAS THIS POST BEEN ALL MY LIFE

(Source: fenfeiikou, via becca-summers)

Tags: refference